Rob's List on Which he Worked Really,Really Hard for at Least an Hour after Realizing That the Blog Wouldn't go Anywhere Unless He Added to it.

I received this list thingy on Facebook the other day. Something about 25 things about yourself that people don't know. I thought to myself "Everybody wants to know!" And everything on this list will be true. With creative language of course.

1. I was born in the mythical city of Saskatoon, Saskactawan.

2. For the longest time I believed Jesus died young due to Christmas and Easter being so close together.

3. I spent my youth in arctic, tropical, and temperate zones, and at one point I lived in them all within a year.

4. I've been to Mexico three times, twice on purpose.

5. I've slept through the wee hours in Central Park. The real one.

6. I've laughed in the face of Danger. Literally.

7. I learned through experience that running through restricted areas of the Federal Reserve with a video camera is bad.

8. I secretly enjoy interpretative dance

9. I flew over a volcano, later it exploded. (Due to my awesomeness most likely.)

10. My favorite fish are tacos.

11. Heads of state have personally thanked me for things I've done. (I can't get into any details..)

12. I believe motion sickness to be contagious.

13. I'll eat cheese on almost anything. (I throw almost in there knowing that if I don't somebody will call me on it. "Try cheese and...yak brains!"

14. Black is not actually a color. This isn't about me but it's gotta be said.

15. I have an extremely evil laugh.

16. My two favorite drinks are chocolate milk, and grapefruit juice. Not together though.

17. I once played Frisbee with a tornado. On the way.

18. I once had a rabbit that enjoyed the taste of live deer.

18. I once sang an entire song on the subject of popsicles.

19. If you get kissed by That Girl You Like and you tell The Guys because you're 13 and you think it's awesome but it wasn't That Girl You Like that kissed you at all, it was Her Twin Sister whom it is impossible to tell apart and The Guys question That Girl You Like to see if it is true and it's not and so That Girl You Like is mad at you for telling The Guys she kissed you and Her Twin Sister is mad at you for liking her sister instead of her and The Guys are laughing at you until spittle flies from their faces like cherry-bombed toilets and this is was is known as a Really Bad Day When Being Buried Alive Doesn't Sound So Horrible.

20. I'm allergic to cats. But I like them.

21. Lighting has struck in my general vicinity at least seven times that I know of. I'm beginning to think Zeus hates me and is just a really bad shot.

22. While walking through the park one summer's night I was beset by a gang of dogs running wild. I drove them off but not before they hit me in the face and forced me to swallow my own teeth.

23. I once read 'War and Peace'. Yes, the whole thing.

24. Once when I was a kid I daydreamed that I was the king of a country in medieval times and ruled Europe. Then I gave them a very fantasy-sounding name, I called them the Avars. Later on I found the Avars really existed which proves conclusively that one day I will build a time machine, go back in time, and rule the world.

25. One of these facts are a lie. Yes, I know at the top I said they were all true but it's really hard to think of things. I mean I could write things like "I enjoy peas" but, come on, who would believe that.

So there it is. Mad props to the first person who can pick out the lie. It is, of course, clearly concealed in a cloak of cleverness. Also I have many people to thank for this list being awesome. I hope to see you all again someday. You owe my therapist money.

Bringing my 'A' Game:

Not too long ago I received an invitation from Matthew to come to a birthday party for a mutual friend of ours. At first I thought he was just being a good friend but then I discovered he had other motives. He told me I should dress for success and bring my 'A' Game. Overwhelming cliches aside, I queried on why he would even bring this up as I am always incredibly good-looking and disarmingly debonair. He mentioned that he had had in mind someone he wanted me to meet, to charm, get married to, and have children with so he could be a godfather, by the following day.

Aside from the obvious question of what kind of girl has reproductive cycle of a housefly and am I that open minded, I wondered what could motivate Matthew to perform such a selfless act to be a 'wingman.' In the end it came down to two three logical answers, 1) He really wants godchildren so that he can become the head of a Mafia family 2) He wanted to see my legendary 'A' game at work, or 3) Matthew is a ninja. And the reasons of a ninja can never be perceived.

In the end, due to his lack of involvement in secretive martial art disciplines and organized crime I had to go with B. And I started thinking about my 'A' game and what it consisted, and how last time I used it I was engaged inside of a week. Then I started thinking about the phrase 'A' game, and out of that was born this post the definitions of all games: A through F.

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A- Your most glorious. It's James Bond, Rhett Butler, and a knight in shining armor all rolled into one. Of course, the 'A' game is more for sprints than for long distance but a good one at the right time should help you win over the heart of your choice. This is different from the hook-up in that the she doesn't have to be drunk and it's not about the one night score. It's all about the romance baby. Last time I bought my 'A' game I was subject to a result previously mentioned.

B- This one is still charming but easier to keep up. It won't get the ladies to fall in love with you but might make them sit up and take notice. Some examples include Zach Braff, that guy from Happy Days, and the French.

C- This is your 'run of the mill' nice guy. Well liked and well thought of, but not in any romantic way. The 'C' game is perfect for fostering plenty of platonic friendships. Just don't expect to win any hearts this way.

D- That loud, obnoxious guy at the party. The one that makes it quite obvious that he will make a move on anything that has breasts and he's not that picky. This guy means well, but just has poor social skills, occasionally bad hygiene, and every single story he tells starts with "I got so wasted this one time..."

F- If you rank this low you are the Gortex of human attaction. Women will find you repulsive, men will find you disreputable, and the monkey at the zoo will fling its feces at your head. At this point you barely rank higher than zombies, malaria infected mosquitoes, and whatever's in that Tupperware at the back of my fridge.

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In the end I didn't bring my 'A' game. I believe my 'A' game is a dangerous tool and must only be used with proper eye protection. However, I did bring a high 'B' game, a 'B+' if you will, put a good foot forward, New Girl, or NG, was very interesting and I enjoyed talking to her. We'll keep you informed over how this goes, or if anything happens. Whatever it is, it will be dramatic, and awesome. And dramatically awesome. Next week I will bring my 'A' game. And I will tell you how it goes. Unless Matthew is a ninja. Then I'm dead.