Life Coaching

CHANGE OF PLANS GUYS

Apparently we are no good at "business." For those of you who took our advice, we are both sorry and not legally culpable for whatever you did with that post. Our disclaimer is, or at least should have been, somewhat more clear about that. Also, if you took our advice and it somehow helped you, leave us a comment. It would be somewhat helpful, as we now owe the Irish mafia quite a bit of money.

Anyway, if there's one thing we can learn from this experience, it's that we are extremely qualified to be life coaches. And people should pay us up to $301,891.15 for our advice. Preferably within the next couple minutes. Oh god, they're here. Run.

Anyway.

Matthew: Hey Rob, how do we "be life coaches"?

Rob: Coach people on life?

So, if you feel that your life isn't exactly the way you want it to be, all the time, we can help. We can help you feel empowermental and fulfillified and stuff. We can help you become the self your real self always wanted to you to self-actualize. We can help your external reality mirror your internal perspicacity. What does perspicacity mean? Further research required. We can help you attract relationships with other empowermental people who are fulfillified and stuff.

Here is a free trial of what you may experience during a session of life coaching with one of our two extremely qualified professional life coaches:

1. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

2. Good Will Hunting was awesome.

3. Wasn't it though?

4. A dream is a wish your heart makes. Dreams are your #1 priority.

5. You need goals for some reason.

6. Make it your #1 priority to find out why goals are so important.

7. Create a support network. Like Spiderman. He'd be very supportive. So would your mom.

8. A support network is your #1 priority.

9. Your Mom is my #1 priority.

10. I'm so sorry Matthew said that.

11. Sorryness is your #1 priority.

12. Your Mom.

13. Dude we should be dating coaches. New post forthcoming.

14. WHAT??!?!??!!

To Business

It's been a while since we've done...anything...

So, we were having lunch at this classy Italian restaurant today (A&W) and discussing our lives. Famous Rob has become a street entertainer, which means he plays guitar in public until people making him stop by throwing money at his face. Matthew finished another year of school and cleverly decided to take summer courses as well, thus ruining summer.

Anyway, the result of this lunch was that we are going to become businessmen. This blog post is about how to be good at business, because we are now Captains of Industry. (!!!!!!)

Here is a list of business tips that we've learned/made up in our extensive 4.8 hours experience in being Captains of Industry. (!!!!!!!)

1. Re-name Matthew's car the Business-Mobile.

2. Wear suits and be awesome. (Thank you NPH)

3. $mell like $ucce$$*

4. Exce$$ive u$e of the dollar $ign.

5. Never use it again.

6. Eat lunch in complete silence, push away your tray, and say "Now, to business."

7. Raise your mug of frothy (root) beer and toast business.

8. Carry a briefcase everywhere. Fill your briefcase with funions.

9. What is a funion, anyway? Further research required.

10. Use "further research required" in place of concepts like "actual knowledge"

11. Read Dilbert comics to increase your business knowledge.

12. Is the real business world anything like Dilbert? Further research required.

13. We stopped here for a while and looked around the room for ideas. Gosh, we're handsome. Good thing Famous Rob has a full-length mirror.

14. And cheetos.

15. Dress, act, and think like the Monopoly guy.

16. Buy Boardwalk in REAL LIFE!

17. Pro tip: real life business is basically Dilbert plus Monopoly.

18. And probably The Apprentice, but neither of us has ever watched that show.

19. But I have.

20. Me too, I loved it.

So there you have it. Everything you need to get your fat butt off the couch, peel aging cheetos from your hair, and go be a Captain of Industry (!!!!!!!). Some of that may have been specifically about Famous Rob.

*$ucce$$ smells like a classy Italian restaurant.