So, we were having lunch at this classy Italian restaurant today (A&W) and discussing our lives. Famous Rob has become a street entertainer, which means he plays guitar in public until people making him stop by throwing money at his face. Matthew finished another year of school and cleverly decided to take summer courses as well, thus ruining summer.
Anyway, the result of this lunch was that we are going to become businessmen. This blog post is about how to be good at business, because we are now Captains of Industry. (!!!!!!)
Here is a list of business tips that we've learned/made up in our extensive 4.8 hours experience in being Captains of Industry. (!!!!!!!)
1. Re-name Matthew's car the Business-Mobile.
2. Wear suits and be awesome. (Thank you NPH)
3. $mell like $ucce$$*
4. Exce$$ive u$e of the dollar $ign.
5. Never use it again.
6. Eat lunch in complete silence, push away your tray, and say "Now, to business."
7. Raise your mug of frothy (root) beer and toast business.
8. Carry a briefcase everywhere. Fill your briefcase with funions.
9. What is a funion, anyway? Further research required.
10. Use "further research required" in place of concepts like "actual knowledge"
11. Read Dilbert comics to increase your business knowledge.
12. Is the real business world anything like Dilbert? Further research required.
13. We stopped here for a while and looked around the room for ideas. Gosh, we're handsome. Good thing Famous Rob has a full-length mirror.
14. And cheetos.
15. Dress, act, and think like the Monopoly guy.
16. Buy Boardwalk in REAL LIFE!
17. Pro tip: real life business is basically Dilbert plus Monopoly.
18. And probably The Apprentice, but neither of us has ever watched that show.
19. But I have.
20. Me too, I loved it.
So there you have it. Everything you need to get your fat butt off the couch, peel aging cheetos from your hair, and go be a Captain of Industry (!!!!!!!). Some of that may have been specifically about Famous Rob.
*$ucce$$ smells like a classy Italian restaurant.
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