Genesis 1

In the beginning, Rob and Matthew created a blog. This is the story of how it happened.

In the year two thousand and ten, it came to pass that Rob was a lighting tech at a play. And he did invite his friend Matthew unto said play, and Matthew enjoyed it very much. After the play, the two engaged in much exchange of humour, and all did laugh merrily, including Tommy, who came to the play but isn’t really part of this story.

And Rob spake unto Matthew, and he was all like, “Dude, we should totally make a blog.” And Matthew did agree that this was an awesome idea, because they both needed a place to focus their creative energies. For Matthew had been to Rob’s apartment not two weeks earlier, and there he had seen that Rob’s lunch consisted of peanut butter eaten directly out of the jar. And Matthew cried out in great consternation, saying “Rob, you need a girlfriend.” And Rob did agree with him.

Nor was Matthew totally innocent either, for he had so much free time that he and his crazy friend Josh were contemplating a device which would allow Matthew’s bike to float in the very ocean itself, called the bike-boat. And while Matthew believed that the bike-boat was a cool name, he admitted that it was a pretty stupid idea which would probably get them both killed.

So it came to pass that Matthew created a blog, and he did name it matthewandfamousrob.blogspot.com. And he saw that it was good. And then Rob created a blogger account, and he did put all manner of ridiculous things in his profile, including that he came from Montserrat, which is probably not even a real place. And he saw that it was good.

And then they did create extensive blog posts detailing their quest to save indigo tigers from extinction, and they saw that they were both extremely clever and funny, and they did high-five until their palms ached. And they created a backstory so bizarre that neither of them could think upon it while maintaining a straight face, and they saw that it was really cool.

Matthew looked upon all they had created with great satisfaction, even though he had wanted to form a band instead. And Rob spake unto him, saying “We can make a band anyway.” And Matthew was satisfied by this, and decided to become a bassist, even though he lacked any kind of musical talent. And Rob did discuss the possibility of naming the band In It For the Money as well, thereby becoming sellouts from the very beginning and offending all the hipsters. And while Matthew did delight in the idea of offending hipsters, he had wanted to created a band consisting entirely of bassists and name it Large Mouth Bass, or Back to Bassics, or something equally cool, because bassists are cool. And Rob did mock him extensively for his terrible puns.

So it was that Matthew and Rob had a blog, and stood to make lots of money from it. And Matthew and Rob uttered cries of delight at the success which would surely come their way. And then Rob presumably dined upon peanut butter, and probably suffered indigestion from it.