Matthew Cogently Explains Our Purpose

As Rob brilliantly stated in the previous post, we aren’t sellouts. We are merely agents of the noble cause INITFORTHEMONEY: I Need Indigo Tigers From Outer Rhodesia to Help Eat Most of Neil’s Enlightened Yaks.

The plight of the endangered indigo tiger (Panthera tigris indigo) is so well known that I obviously don’t need to elaborate on it here, but suffice to say that Neil’s surplus of enlightened yaks provides an elegant solution to a problem which clearly merits our attention.

Thanks, Neil.

The purpose of this blog is to raise awareness of the plight of these majestic, blue-violet carnivores. We will do this by pretty much just writing any brilliant ideas we have on here, in the hopes that our ideas are awesome enough to attract an audience, and that the audience we attract will be sympathetic to the plight of the indigo tigers.

That’s pretty much it.

We’re not perfect. Rob, especially, is not perfect. But we’re good people, doing literally the very least we can for a cause we care passionately about. And if this blog does succeed in achieving not only its explicit goal of saving the indigo tigers but also its totally coincidental goal of making us very, very rich, then so be it.

And if it does make us rich, we’re not going to fight it. We need the money, mostly to fund the salvation of these splendid predators, but also to cover grocery money, rent cheques, rising gas prices, organic fruit, helicopter rides, hot tubs full of hundred-dollar bills, Rob’s cocaine habit, multiple mansions on tropical islands, and my lifelong dream of making Jurassic Park a reality.

It’s reasonable, at this stage, to ask what our qualifications are. Why are we, and not some actual biologists, doing the dirty work and raising public awareness of the plight of the endangered indigo tigers? The answer, like most things in life, is pretty simple:

Unlike actual biologists, we don’t have jobs or careers that would interfere with our quest to save this species. This allows us to devote lots of time to the blog. In fact, when we’re not eating, sleeping, showering, playing sports, hanging out with friends, attending indie rock concerts, rock climbing, or spending the vast quantities of money we will doubtlessly earn as a result of this blog, we’ll be writing on here, adding new material for you to enjoy as you contemplate indigo tigers.

It’s literally the very least we could do.