Bringing my 'A' Game:

Not too long ago I received an invitation from Matthew to come to a birthday party for a mutual friend of ours. At first I thought he was just being a good friend but then I discovered he had other motives. He told me I should dress for success and bring my 'A' Game. Overwhelming cliches aside, I queried on why he would even bring this up as I am always incredibly good-looking and disarmingly debonair. He mentioned that he had had in mind someone he wanted me to meet, to charm, get married to, and have children with so he could be a godfather, by the following day.

Aside from the obvious question of what kind of girl has reproductive cycle of a housefly and am I that open minded, I wondered what could motivate Matthew to perform such a selfless act to be a 'wingman.' In the end it came down to two three logical answers, 1) He really wants godchildren so that he can become the head of a Mafia family 2) He wanted to see my legendary 'A' game at work, or 3) Matthew is a ninja. And the reasons of a ninja can never be perceived.

In the end, due to his lack of involvement in secretive martial art disciplines and organized crime I had to go with B. And I started thinking about my 'A' game and what it consisted, and how last time I used it I was engaged inside of a week. Then I started thinking about the phrase 'A' game, and out of that was born this post the definitions of all games: A through F.

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A- Your most glorious. It's James Bond, Rhett Butler, and a knight in shining armor all rolled into one. Of course, the 'A' game is more for sprints than for long distance but a good one at the right time should help you win over the heart of your choice. This is different from the hook-up in that the she doesn't have to be drunk and it's not about the one night score. It's all about the romance baby. Last time I bought my 'A' game I was subject to a result previously mentioned.

B- This one is still charming but easier to keep up. It won't get the ladies to fall in love with you but might make them sit up and take notice. Some examples include Zach Braff, that guy from Happy Days, and the French.

C- This is your 'run of the mill' nice guy. Well liked and well thought of, but not in any romantic way. The 'C' game is perfect for fostering plenty of platonic friendships. Just don't expect to win any hearts this way.

D- That loud, obnoxious guy at the party. The one that makes it quite obvious that he will make a move on anything that has breasts and he's not that picky. This guy means well, but just has poor social skills, occasionally bad hygiene, and every single story he tells starts with "I got so wasted this one time..."

F- If you rank this low you are the Gortex of human attaction. Women will find you repulsive, men will find you disreputable, and the monkey at the zoo will fling its feces at your head. At this point you barely rank higher than zombies, malaria infected mosquitoes, and whatever's in that Tupperware at the back of my fridge.

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In the end I didn't bring my 'A' game. I believe my 'A' game is a dangerous tool and must only be used with proper eye protection. However, I did bring a high 'B' game, a 'B+' if you will, put a good foot forward, New Girl, or NG, was very interesting and I enjoyed talking to her. We'll keep you informed over how this goes, or if anything happens. Whatever it is, it will be dramatic, and awesome. And dramatically awesome. Next week I will bring my 'A' game. And I will tell you how it goes. Unless Matthew is a ninja. Then I'm dead.